ALANON BOOTCAMP

Yup.


Started Alanon again. Haven't gone since I was a girl. Very intense, it's like bootcamp for the emotional soul.

Guess these two songs by Sia sum up what I feel right now. 

What's my -ism??

Masochism. 

But truly ? I doubt It is.  But I just can't seem to step away from the continual circle of pain, regret and sorrow. One begins to think they do or must enjoy pain. Why put yourself into situations you know you'll regret? Why do things again and again you know do not work??? Why do you alway self sabotage a good situation?

It's a self fulfilling prophecy. We wish to grab onto the positive neatly and peacefully or think it must come to us easily. Well I don't think it does. I think you must grab positivity by the neck and stuff in down inside you so deep not anyone can pull it out. I've notice that this positive thinking comes naturally to many people. Maybe you think your truly positive but you know your just lying to yourself, you wish you could be positive. Do I know the secret to being positive? Hell no, in fact I'm the furthest away from it that you can get. Though with this distance I've been able to observe it. You must always fight to be positive and fight to hold on to hope. That's a lot of fighting.  

It's not a peaceful nirvana you achieve by sitting in a tree at sunset and closing your eyes. It's picking yourself up every day to move forward, to not dwell in the present situations that get you down and to open up your heart to receive love in the moment; because you shouldn't rely on the past or future to fulfill that void. 

Why should we fight so hard for positivity? Because chemically we can change the way we feel if we do. No joke, you smile and dopamine releases from your brain. Dopamine, the feel good chemical in your body! That wonderful chemical that releases when you eat food; ie turkey, have sex, or laugh a lot. Yeah, I'd like to order a extra side of Dopamine please. 

But I find you can't fight alone. Even "V" in V for Vendetta had some assistance and he was generally known as a solo fighter. You surround yourself with a army of positivity and no one can take you down! If you surround yourself with negativity then you will just continue to go around and round that pity circle. Again, I have in no way achieved this. 

So what is one to do? Fire all the friends, family and coworkers that are negative and bring you down? Ah, no, me thinks not! Without sounding to Mcgoo, let me throw out a thought. (Follow me now) you go to work feeling neutral, your coworker is a ass that day and dumps on you, you come home and dump on your significant other, that significant other is now holding that dump ( you still follow me?) they go out into the world and effect their coworkers cause they've been dumped on, now that coworker starts from the beginning of my dumping situation. Capeesh? If not, then in simple words- everything you do effects everyone around you and beyond. So in conclusion, if you act positive then maybe it will spread, if it spreads like you hope, then that "would be" grumpy coworker goes home happy to their significant other, that significant other goes to their work and makes happy with all the other coworker that would have otherwise gone home and inflicted their moods on others and so forth. Ok... for the love of jeebes I'm done with that analogy. *wipes sweat from brow

Finally I say, what can we do to become positive if it doesn't naturally occur for you? Will some magical drug help you? If its alcohol, street drugs or abuse of Rx drugs, then not really. It only masquerades around as a false promise to feel positive, once the party is over you feel used and even more alone and disillusioned. 

Will anti-depressants help? With my many experiences with anti-depressants I feel bias about making a suggestion. Can it help you equal out some lack of chemicals in your body? Sure. I agree. Will it help you to change your habits so that you can be your own advocate to positivity? I doubt it. When your on medication for your mood you feel like you no longer have the control to change the way you feel. You pop one in and hope it does the job. But you can't control the way it makes you feel afterwards. Studies have shown if someone feels more self empowered they do better in life. When you have control over what you do, it becomes more satisfying, like at work. So that's why I feel drugs can hinder that feeling of control in your life. Not that it wont help replace a chemical that is just not there. It's very complicated and I'm not debating the use of anti-depressants vs. biofeedback and therapy. 

Will money help you? Think of countless movie stars and famous musicians that have killed themselves and they had loads of money. So nope. 

Will religion help you? Yikes... should I even go there? Carefully I say that religion can be a vehicle for positivity. The way most religions are set up, in a group fashion, influences more people, thus that whole circle of everything you do effects everyone ensues. Biofeedback mechanism.  

Will good health help you? Sure I guess, but how does that explain the many people who are truly positive even when they are dying or sick? 

So, what will help you to be positive? What can we do everyday to try to achieve that level of positivity that will make us happier? 

Do I really have to say it again??

                                      FIGHT FOR IT !